Thanks for the offer, but no.

There are many cultural differences between the US and my home country of Ireland. One of the more curious is the American habit of bringing a glass of water to bed. Self-disclosure here: I have slept with more than a handful of women and without fail all of them filled up a glass with water and brought it to bed. Initially I thought that I was in for an amazing night of passionate sex and that they were planning ahead for dehydration, but alas it never worked that way. Oh don't get me wrong, I have had many a night of passionate sex, but the customary glass of water was never the give away. The handcuffs were the dead give away, but never the glass of water.

I have also been the guest in many a house and many a host has asked if I'd like to bring a glass of water to bed. At first I accepted because I thought that they knew something that I didn't. Maybe they cranked the heat way up during the night? Maybe in a Kennedy-esque manner the family has a ritual of playing touch football on the upstairs landing at 3 am? But after waking up each morning with the glass still untouched I eventually implemented the practice of declining the offer every time.

See, the only thing Irishmen bring to bed is the smell of whiskey on their breath. And the only thing that Irishwomen bring to bed is the hope that the owner of the whiskey breath is too inebriated to do anything other than fall right to sleep.

Comments

[jody]

Dear Donal:

Here is another "cultural difference" between Americans and Irishmen:
T.M.I.

[April]

Jody, you totally cracked me up! I was wincing through this interesting turn that Head Scratch has taken. A slick trip straight into the gutter! :)

[donal]

What are you guys talking about? All I've done is write an innocent piece about water.

[Victoria]

maybe in ireland it would be consider an innocent piece about water, but here in the u.s., you're not that innocent!! (sorry i channeled britney spears at the end there)